I am a first year MBA student I was wondering if I should go to your KDS just for this session, but I think I made the right decision to attend. I think you are very good at what you are doing and was impressed by the way you conveyed the message.
Unfortunately I was not able to talk to you after the session. I have a question that keeps bothering me all the time, and was hoping you might have a suggestion about how to deal with it. I remember you mentioning last evening that most of the business decisions take place at the golf course. I totally agree with you.
But here’s what I have noticed with me, I can talk for hours about business but when it comes to talking about that other things like golf or anything other than work, I kind of get quiet and that’s one of the reasons people see me as a boring person, they just hang out with me when there is work and then after that they tend to be with their own gang.
I have tried hard to fit in but I don’t know if there is something that I should do. Added to that whenever I am offered an invite to go out by my colleagues, I kind of reject the offer (1). Because I am a woman from India and not used to hanging out in bars late in the night (2) I don’t drink, dance, smoke etc. so I have noticed that colleagues that do the above tend to bond better and have much more to share than me.
Even though I have better talents to perform in my job, I have noticed that my bosses tend to prefer hanging out with the peers that can party.
I don’t want to change my lifestyle and start drinkng and doing all the other stuff just to go up the organization, however I am sure that there might be other things that people can do to fit in. Could you please provide me with any insights?
I really think that is one of the most difficult challenges for me in the work place and I am doing a lot of trial and errors that so far has not resulted in any permanent success. I would definitely like to know what you have to say about this situation whenever you can afford to write to me.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
What i would suggest to her is this...
pick up a sport as a social activity...soccer or something. there are lots of indoor leagues (since the weather is getting cooler). There are lots of other activities - movies, pool, go karting, different sports. As well, one thing that really did help me was getting involved with charitee events, fundraisers and stuff. You get to learn more about the world, meet new people, and plus it gives you someting to talk about with others.
Ive personally noticed (specifically with my own family/friends - so u don't think i am stereotyping :P) - you learn a lot about being sociable when on a team or something. This will teach H to communicate with peers better (outside of work convos). Honestly, the more activities I picked up, the better I found I was able to communicate with others on a social level.
N.
I would think about things you enjoy discussing with family and friends. Perhaps there are topics there that you can use with acquaintances. Current events work well if you like reading the newspaper or watching the news -- something silly or quirky may be better to keep it light.
If you don't like the after work bar scene, getting people together for lunch may be better suited to you. It doesn't have to be a big group. As you are walking through the halls just see if anyone wants to take a break and grab a quick bite.
Dear Lost In the Social Festivities,
I can relate to your conundrum of your attempts to fit with your colleagues via social activities. What is considered a 'normal' social activity in North America is probably an activity that's out of your comfort zone. I believe that 'fitting' in with your friends, colleagues, and your network is a two way street - you cannot be absolutely rigid in what you consider as an acceptable social activity, but you certainly do not need to force yourself to do activities that you're uncomfortable with.
Let's start with conversations.
You mentioned that it's very difficult to strike up a conversation that is not work-related. Try asking open-ended questions - what people do on their weekends, if they have any pets, or movies that they watched. I find that you do not necessary have to like the same thing they do. I find it intriguing to find out why people enjoy what they do. By asking the questions, the other person will tend to talk more, which allows you to find common ground. Sometimes it takes a few attempts for you to be familiar with what your colleagues like, but it does pay off as you build a better working relationship.
A good working relationship isn't built on work. It's about establishing rapport and congeniality.
Moving on to social activities.
If your colleagues tend to gravitate to activities that you dislike (i.e. going drinking, dance, smoking), try to suggest something that might avoid those situations. For example - LaserQuest, watching a movie, bowling, playing a team sport, etc. If it's easier, try asking other female colleagues to those activities. Once you have a few colleagues that you're comfortable in socializing with, other colleagues will join you.
If you are invited to go to a bar, you don't necessary have to drink. I always pass on the drinks as I usually have to drive. You can also leave early. I never feel obligated to stay until everyone decides to leave at 2 am. Most people understand that you have a life outside of work and that you have to leave to tend to your other obligations.
I think you are on the right track in making an effort to socialize with your colleagues, which is commendable. It does take a bit of trial and error, so don't be so hard on yourself! Do a bit at a time, relax and enjoy!
Susanna
~gentle chuckle~
This is a common problem, particularly among the technically adept. For *some* people -not limited to culture either- I'd suggest googling "The AQ Test". You'll find it on Wired Magazine's site
Post a Comment