Let me offer a version of the snakes-on-a-plane/lawyer-on-a-flight account that may prove redemption into a "good guy" is possible (I have used this anecdote in seminars to lawyers)On a flight a few years back my seatmate was a high powered litigator from a major NY firm. Cuff-links, wingtips, power suit, the whole she-bang. I mentally rolled my eyes as the guy plunked down next to me as I expected the standard dog-and-pony look-what-I-can-do show.
Instead, the guy was the epitome of niceness. He jumped up to assist the attendant in closing the overhead compartments. He courteously left the center rest free for my arm. He proceeded to ask me some open-ended questions and expressed genuine interest in what I did for my company. Hell, he even picked up a soother an infant had dropped from the seat across the aisle. The guy actually wiped it off with a napkin and gave it back to the mother.
When I commented on what a nice guy he was, he told me his story.
In his words:
I wasn’t always like this. There’s nothing more intimidating to most people than a) a New Yorker b) a New Yorker who’s a lawyer and c) a New Yorker who’s a lawyer and a litigator. I beat the hell out of everyone as I climbed my way the way to the top of my firm. Manners? Those were for suckers. I used to enjoy harassing people in the courtroom and out on the street. Car service guys. Coffee shop waitresses. Hotel staff. What’s a few tears and some red faces? A squeaky wheel gets the grease and the way I squeaked, I got a hell of a lot of grease. Sure I pissed a lot of people off but I was a pit-bull for my clients and the money came rolling in. Rough around the edges? Hell, I didn’t even have edges!
The only person whose opinion really mattered was my wife. We had been married for 20 years and she was the best thing that ever happened to me. She put up with my crap because I guess she was used to it.
So one time I had to go to San Francisco on business and my wife wanted to come along to do some shopping. As usual, I harangued the staff at the airport counter for an upgrade on the flight, and when we arrived, I took a run at the car rental staff as well. By the time I was finished with the girl at the counter, I had another upgrade and she had a quivering lip.
So we are walking over to the full-sized lot and wife grabs my arm and stops me. She looks me right in the eye and says…you’re an asshole. You leave this trail of destruction behind you wherever you go and I have to tell you something… I am really ashamed of you. I never want to travel with you again.
My wife had never said anything like that to me in my life. I was severely shocked. It was a pretty quiet ride to the hotel. So I thought: I’ll show her. She wants me to be nice? I’ll be sickingly sweet nice.
My routine at a hotel is usually the same. I go up to the first room they put me in, and turn right around back to the front desk and complain for a better room. This time, I see this girl at the front desk who seems a little tired. I asked her how her day was going. She smiles and says she’ll be glad to go off shift. I ask her if I can get her some water or a coffee from the hotel lounge. She gracefully declines. I tell her my wife and I have just arrived from NYC and she says she would love to go there one day. I give her my business card and tell her to look us up and that I can recommend some great places to stay and some nice restaurants if she is interested. Guess what? We get the nicest room at that hotel I’ve ever had!
So now I’m thinking…maybe I can get nicer stuff from people by being sweet that I can by beating them up. So the rest of the trip, I’m smiling, I’m courteous, I’m handing out compliments, and people are actually talking to me. I start getting great service, some upgrades and my wife is happy …it’s great! And that was 10 years ago.
Then the lawyer looked over at me and laughed…yeah…that was 10 years ago and the best part is…I’m still a nice guy…but I don’t do it for upgrades or stuff anymore. I do it because I guess it’s the right thing to do.
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